Planning for the future!!

Well after spending close to a month in the Blackforest, munching on cake, brezels, botwursts etc etc, I have flown back to London where I will spend a month. I have to say that Germany is a nice place and that it treated me well, with good food, wine and beer. Now that I am back in London I am planning the next league of my journey. I am currently undergoing an application to the Canadian consulate in New Zealand so that I can obtain a working holiday visa that will let me live in Canada for up to one year, working where I feel like it. At the moment I have booked a ticket back to New Zealand with the plan that if I do get accepted for the visa then I will cancel it and get refunded. If I mange to get the visa then I plan to work for 6 months and then travel for six months within Canada....maybe pouring beers on the road. If I fail to get the visa then I will be heading back to New Zealand on October the 19th. Either way I will be a happy chappy, for living in Canada would be cool and going home is also a nice idea......the fate is in the hands of the consulate. For now I will sit back, drink some pints, catch up with friends and explore the numerous corridors of the British Museum until I have seen every little thing that they have! Life is good!

Das ist sehr gut!

Five days ago I jumped on a train in Geneva and four hours later and two train changes later I arrived in a little station in Germany called Triberg. I walked outside and their waiting for me was my Grandmother. Since this point I have been working hard, eating hard and sleeping hard at my Grandparents bed and breakfast which is in the Blackforest (Schwarzwald) in a little hollow known as SchÖnwald. I have been mowing lawns the size of parks and doing bits and pieces around the establishment in exchange for free food, bedding and swimming in the indoor swimming pool. Right now I am deciding on my next destination, although I have no plans to move on from SchÖnwald too soon....afterall Grandparents are awesome and they feed me lots.

Geneva= good times!

I arrived in Geneva at around 10:30pm and progressed through security and into the street. I walked around the streets for a while to try and get my bearings before finally stumbling across a street that was shown on the map that I had with me. With this newly found information I finally made it to my hostel and checked in for the night. It cost me 58 swiss francs for the first night of accomodation as I had to rent my own little apartment as the dorm was full. The next day though I managed to squeeze into a dorm which was nice. The next day I awoke after a night of discovering that the zone where I was staying in was actually known by the locals as the 'red light district', which explains the whore houses everywhere, and I headed down to Lake Geneva with a baguette/tomato/cheese and salami to have as breakfast. After this scrumptous delight I jumped on the metro and glided smoothly across the tarmac until I was at my destination, the United Nations. I took a 10 swiss franc tour of the United Nations buildings which I personally think was well worth while. You get to see the discussion rooms where the big decisions are made and you get to learn a little about the history of the UN and when it began etc etc. Some people I talked to thought it was lame and a waste of cash, but I think it is a worthy donation. During the rest of the day I ate baguettes and lazily walked the shore of Lake Geneva, which is a beautiful lake. That night I headed into a bar for a beer and got talking to a bar waitress. She was studying in Geneva and working in the bar for extra cash. She informed me that down on the shore there was a huge festival kicking off with free live music and tents celebrating different cultures from around the world. On hearing this I polished off my beer and hit the roads with a new plan in mind....party time. I found the area and was immediately surrounded by people dancing and it was then that I realised that I had walked into the middle of the dance floor (sweet). The dancing began, and it went and went and went until finally my legs felt like they were going to fall off. I grabbed another beer and walked/stumbled back along the shore. On the way I met a Jamaican man playing guitar for cash. I asked if I could play and he said " ya man, I need to sleep, make me some money!". With this he lay down, smoked a joint and went to sleep. I grabbed the guitar and started playing and singing. I did this for half an hour and I made him 5 euro. Sweet. I woke him up and told him the news and he was stoked. He packed up his stuff, hugged me and walked away into the distance. I was stoked too for having played for cash and with a grin on my face I stumbled onwards until finally I made it to the red light district, aka, my home.

Money for nothing and chix for free!!!

Well the I awoke yesterday in the early morning and had my free breakfast at the hostel which consisted of toast and cereal and juice that was apparantly the miricle elixir for curing hangovers. I had a few glasses of juice during which I met a nice 18 year old Swedish girl named Anna. She had plans to go to Monaco for the day so I asked if I could join her. With a "yes" for an answer we jumped onto the next train and headed towards the Money. On arriving and departing the train station we were immediatly met with super yachts that seemed to stretch the entire length of the horizon, yeap they were massive. We kept walking and walking and basically were staggered by the amount of Lamborghinis, Bentleys, Ferraris, Porches , Jaguars and Chargers passing us. WOW this town is for rich people......we later confirmed this theory when I purchased a 1L bottle of water for 3.5 euro (sting). We spent the day wandering the streets and pondering just where did all this money come from. We later agreed that it must be the fruits of prostitution, drugs, rock and roll and possibly intelligence but judging by their arrogance maybe the later could be excluded. We returned to Nice after exploring Monaco and Montecarlo and I found out that I had forgotten to book that nights accomodation....good times. I ended up staying up most of the night before sneaking into the hostel and sleeping in the foyer...sweet. Today I caught the bus back to Marseille from Nice for 18 euro and I then booked a ticket to Geneva in Switzerland in the hopes of progressing upwards to see my Grandparents who have recently purchased a " Bed and Breakfast" style accomodation within the blackforest. So here I am at 4pm waiting for the 7pm train to Geneva. I am quite excited for I think I may get to glimpse the alps as the sun sets....wish me luck!

Nice is nice; death by sunset!

On arriving in Nice I found myself in a neat little city that had similar designed streets to the ones found in Paris. I went to the nearest hostel called, Aubergie de Jeunesse, and booked two nights accomodation. I had to check in at 3 pm, so I went down to the beach after purchasing some bait from the local fish market and fished the morning into oblivion. I was not at all surprised when I looked in the mirror that night and found myself burnt to a crisp from the powerful sun. That night I went along the beach to catch the sunset. On walking along and meeting numerous Koreans and other travellers I stumbled onto a scene where an old lady had fallen on the pavement. She lay there and I heard a lot of French being said and saw numerous people talking on their phones in grave tones. Suddenly an ambulance busted onto the pavement with sirens blaring and the paremedics jumped out and immediately started doing CPR. It was then that I realised that the old woman was not just hurt, she was dieing. While I watched, people stopped and gathered in a crowd to watch the excitement. Feeling sickened by the spectacle I decided to head away from the scene to let the lady die in peace. I peeked back once in instinctual curiosity to see the policemen drape a white sheet over her body and to hear someone say " oh my gosh, how terrible!". After hearing this I replied without thinking " I couldn't think of a nicer time to die" and I pointed to the sunset. The tourists gave me a weird look before returning there gaze to the white sheet. I turned and walked away feeling a way that I had never felt before; for she was the first human being that had died in front of me.

Around the mediterranean in 2 days!!!!

I had a look at my account balance the other day and I was very shocked to discover the speed at which my funds are disappearing. After acknowledging this I decided to step up the ante and get along the coast of France. I spent a night in Barcelona and then I hit the road on a 3 hour bus ride to Montpellier which is a nice little coastal French village positioned near to the coast. I said goodby e to speaking Spanish and welcomed in the French. I arrived in Montpellier at around three in the afternoon and I set about finding a hostel. After numerous sweaty hours of searching and obtaining zero results, I headed out to the beach to check it out and see if it was possible to sleep on it. I got to the coast and my eyes where met with thousands of tourists clinging to the shore and riding the waves... so much for sleeping on the beach. I came to the conclusion that I'd rather sleep in a different city away from the tourists and so after meeting a buisness man and chatting with him in line, I boarded a train to Marseille. On arriving in Marseille it was 11pm and Marseille has a reputation for hostility towards foreigners in the muggin kind of way so I decided to sleep in the train station. My plan was going well untill a security officer announced to me that they closed the station at 1am and that I should not be lying inside, rather lying in the street. Luckily I met three 20 year old English lads and three 18 year old American girls who told me that a cleaner had told them to walk up the "H" train platform and sleep up there. So we toddled up the platform and to my surprise the security didn't find us and we slept well. The next day I jumped on the train at 6am qnd headed towards Nice.

Anniversary in Zaragoza!

Today I am writing my 50th entry online....what a nerd. Last night I arrived in Zaragoza at 9pm to find that all the hostels were booked out and that the only means of sleeping on a bed was by paying 80 euro for a hotel. So I trudged out of the city and lay down behind some bushes in a paddock and dozed off. Leading up to this point; for the last couple of days I have been in Madrid, which is where I decided to go after wanting to leave Valencia. Madrid is a vast metropolis of old blended with new. It´s prices are particularly high so I decided to get out after only two days of staying there. During the first night I met a Dutch man named Jella and we had a few beers together and chilled out in the hostel. Later we went out for a beer and we met a group of ladies who told us that we could stay at there house the next night. So the next morning, Jella and myself packed up and shipped out of the hostel to meet the ladies from the night before. They took us back to their place and we had wine, played crazy Spanish card games and had homemade Tapas for dinner. It was a great experience and a good laugh trying to discuss topics for my Spanish is not very sharp.....as blunt as it gets to be honest. Well the next day I jumped on a bus to Zaragoza in hopes of eluding the instense prices in Madrid and now I find myself fed up on toast at 11am after watching an old bitter man order and polish off his beer this morning in a nice little cafe in the city centre. Today I think I will trudge around Zaragoza and then jump on a bus back to Barcelona. I have decided not to trek Morocco and to stick to my original plan......if only the euros would stay a little longer in my pocket.

Tales from the Crypt!

Yesterday I bid farewell to Luigi and his Aunt and Grandmother on the streets of Castello. For a 19 year old he was very mature and he told me that he couldn´t wait until he finished school so that he could go travelling and do what I am doing which was a privelage to hear. I boarded the bus and ended up at the Castello train station. It turned out that for the four nights beforehand, there had been a four day festival in Castello and so for the two hour train ride to Valencia, we were packed in like fat kids in a candy store. Hot, sticky, irritable, reeking and uncomfortable are a few words that can sum that journey up. On arrival in Valencia I managed to grab a bed next to the Lonja (Church/Castle) in a hostel called Rincon (corner in spanish) for 13 euro a night. I dumped my pack and headed onto the streets to do a little exploring. I met a 46 year old lady in a cafe who helped me order as it took me 3 minutes to order a lemonade let alone food. She told me her life story and why she was living in Valencia....in a word; heartache! After my lunch I hit the road for the most famous Cathedral in Spain known as the Saint Mary of Valencia Cathedral (Santa Maria). I went inside and paid 4 euro for entry which also included an audio guide which to my surprise was actually very helpful and interesting. As I journed around the massive gothic structure I gazed upon ancient bones and skulls of saints, a petrified intact arm of an ancient saint and of course, one of the chalices from which Jesus supposedly drank from during the last supper, aka the Holy Grail. After being quite distinctly humbled after imagining that the cup in front of me was infact the Holy Grail , I hit the streets again down to the Jardines del Turia (Turia Gardens) which is a dried up river bed that has been converted into a park. After relaxing in the sun I headed to a cafe which enables people to exchange languages on Monday. I then spent the remainder of the night teaching English, learning basic Spanish and meeting interesting people. One person I met was Roberto. Roberto is a brave, adventurous Italian woman who travels the globe by herself. She wants to travel to Morocco but doesn´t feel comfortable going by herself due to her having bad previous experiences with Muslim men. She asked whether or not I would be keen to go and I said that I would seriously consider it, after all it is only a two hour ferry ride from the bottom of Spain. We shall see where the weather takes me.......

Leaving a friend; gaining a friend!

Last night a thunderstorm hit Cambrils which is where we were still camping. Fortunately for us, there was a neat brick arched bridge near our camp which was dry. We carried our belongings under the bridge and lit a fire whilst polishing off donuts and a beer. We laid our 2 euro mats on the rocks under the bridge and prepared for sleep. With the fire emanating across the arched ceiling, lightening streaking across the purple sky and silohettes of trees against the backdrop, it felt like a scene from an old epic adventure movie. The next day on awakening Shawn and I bid farewell to our camp, as well as thanking it for keeping us safe. We hit the road back to Salou in order to catch the train to Valencia. On finding the train fully booked we headed over to the bus station and waited during siesta for it to open. During this time Shawn decided that he wanted to stay close to Barcelona as his funds were drying up, so he decided to go to Zaragoza which is closer to Barcelona. I still wanted to go to Valencia, so came the time when two trusted allies had to bid farewell. After a beer and then waving off Shawn as he headed out, I boarded my bus with Valencia written on the top of it as the sun started to set across the mountain range behind Salou. On the bus I met a 19 year old German, Spanish, Italian named Luigi. He lives in Germany, his Mum is Spanish and his Dad is Italian. After brief chatter, he invited me to spend the night at his place with his aunt and grandmother in Castello. I accepted the invitation and here I find myself sitting on an exceptionally soft bed, fully fed and smelling like roses after a shower which was five days overdue. I am beginning to fall in love with Spain.

Shawn!

During my time in Spain so far, I have had the pleasure of a fine companion named Shawn. Shawn is a 26 year old who is originally from Toronto in Canada but who is currently living in London with his girlfriend. He is an aspiring journalist who is planning to write the piece of literature that will boost him into his career. He travels very light with only a small canvas backpack that is mostly full of little notebooks into which he records details of his travels. he records streetnames, restaurants, food names, drinks, areas and of course his thoughts and opinions. He described to me why he does this. He said "anyone can tell a story, but a story with details is a story well told" Interestingly enough I think I entirely agree with him. He is only travelling for two weeks but it shall be a fine two weeks of camping, fishing and chilling on the beaches and eastern coastline of Spain.

Bush, bats, fish and campfires!

The next day we awoke on the beach with people building sandcastles and swimming in the Mediterranean. We slowly got sorted and headed for food. After a baguette, Carmen got on the bus and headed back to Barcelona as she was catching a flight to Madrid the next day. Shawn and I picked some mountains in the distance and started walking towards them. After a couple of hours of walking out of Salou and into Cambrils along the highway, we found a neat little national park in which we set up camp. With ample shelter, great sights and it only being 20 minutes from the coast we had found gold. We made a fire and cooked some pasta and chick peas and then headed to the beach to watch the sun set on the horizon. What we found was a deserted beach with a great fishing spot, so instead of returning to camp for the night we slept on the beach in silence. On waking, learning some spanish over an espresso, Shawn headed into town and I went fishing. I caught a fish that I think is called a bream and I gutted it, returned to camp and wrapped it in tinfoil after stuffing it with lemon in hopes that it would marinate. We chucked it on the fire and it turned out to be the best fish that I have had in three years. We settled down for the night and watched the bats dance in the sky whilst avoiding being caught by eagles before falling asleep.

Salou, Salou...where are you?

After a two and a half hour bus ride which normally takes one hour, we arrived in Tarragona on the coast. We guessed that Tarragona would probably not be a good spot to sleep on the beach as it´s quite a big city and we would most likely get caught. With this in mind we jumped on a city bus and headed out of Tarragona. After 15 minutes the bus stopped in a city known as Salou. We got of the bus and were stoked to see nice quiet calm streets of a little coastal city. We rounded the corner and were met with tourists as far as the eye could see and neons. Holy crap! Turns out Salou is the holiday destination of other Europeans. We headed to the beach and decided to hoof it out of the city following the shore. After 8km of carrying packs we gave up walking and did some karaoke in a beachfront bar. We then crashed on the beach as men with John Deere tractors circled us smoothing the sand for tomorrow. As these men circled with their disapproving looks we eventually lost consciousness and fell asleep to the sound of waves and tractor engines.

Barcelona round 2!

Waking from a 3 hour doze due to my ignorant neighbours in the hostal, I packed up and shipped outside to meet Shawn. We then went and picked up Carmen and headed to the market place situated on Las Ramblas. Due to it being day and a sunshine day at that, the prostitutes had retreated to the shadows and we could let out guard relax. We left the market after oohing and aahing over the assorted ranges of food and headed for the Picaso Museum. After a breakfast, a bottle of wine on a corner in an alley and being stunned by Gaudi´s structures, we came to the idea of flagging the museum and jumping on a bus to start our coastal expedition and return to Barcelona at a later date. I purchased a billy, a fishing rod and a few beers that we drank together as we boarded the bus and proceeded to empty a bottle of wine. The sun outside began to disappear behind a range of mountains as the bus drove along the winding highway.

Beautiful Barcelona!

After arriving in Girona we jumped on an hour bus ride to Barcelona. We arrived at around 11pm and we began a steady journey towards Shawn´s hostel with me hoping that there would be room as I had decided to wing it and not book accomodation. During the bus ride we met a 25 year old tall Canadian girl named Carmen who had recently divorced her husband and had decided to spend her money that she recieved from her prenuptial on touring Europe. She came with us to the hostel which unfortunately didn´t have room for me. I eventually found a room which cost me 35 euro for the one night! Ouch! Anyway after dumping our bags and grabbing a drink we hit the main street called Las Ramblas and headed towards the Southern end which ends with a shorefront walk. After having my nipple tweaked by a prostitute as we walked and after having a beer and watching a man walk into a glass door we finally hit the sack at around 3am.

On the road to Spain

Well a couple of days ago I said goodbye to Mum and Dad and jumped on the train to Stansted airport. After a busy train ride I arrived at the airport, only to be confronted by a huge snake which turned out to be my check in line. With a heavy heart I joined the line. Whilst waiting for eternity to check in there were two lads in front of me talking about whether or not it was possible to sleep on the beaches along the coast of Spain. I took my chance and introduced myself and asked if they wanted some company. It turned out that it was only one guy named Shawn who was asking the question to a spanish lad. Shawn and I began chatting and in no time we landed in Girona airport with a new plan to travel the coast together, sleeping at will where we pleased.

Departure day!

Tomorrow I leave for Spain. I am currently packing and doing all of my washing for I know that it's going to be a while before I get to wash my clothes again. Today I went and exchanged my sterling into Euros and I bought a lonely planet guide to Europe which should come in handy especially in Spain seeing as I am going to be arriving in Barcelona at 22:55 tomorrow night. London has been great as always but after being here for a month I am well excited about heading out to see new things, meet new people and take on new dilemmas. At this point I will also be beginning the trip that eventually takes me back to New Zealand, so I am excited by this and indeed I am still reeling at how fast this time has snuck up on me! I should arrive back in London at some point to say goodbye to the parents and to head to Canada from there. In ending this particular entry I cannot wait for beaches, sunshine, fishing, speaking spanish and of course sampling the wide array of beverages that the spanish surely offer......maybe a bit of a stay in Ibiza as well.......

Plan of attack!

After a few weeks of dilly dallying around and catching up with people in my life in the big city of London I have finally come up with my plan of attack. I am leaving for Spain ( Barcelona) on Tuesday with a one way ticket. From there I plan to head around Spain ending up in Madrid. From there I will travel to the coast of Spain and work my way up the coast and into France, whilst fishing (A LOT). I will then meet up with my good friend Stephen in the South of France. Onwards I will head back to the coast and start skirting along until I enter Italy. Once in Italy I plan to head down to the south and catch the ferry across to Greece. From Greece I plan to island hop to Turkey before flying back to London and heading to Canada on a $100 dollar flight. Depending on funds and time I will then try a road trip into America, checking out NY before flying to LA and then home. With any luck I will arrive home in time for Christmas with the family and a beautiful New Zealand summer........as opposed to the dreary English summer which has more rain in it than a New Zealand winter. Right now I am working doing garden work for my Aunt which will give me some extra spending money. It all help right? I am also getting the thrill of spotting frogs and slashing my arms on cutty grass and wild blackberry bushes....great fun!

History and Law...sounds fascinating!

Well after a week of walking around and taking in the scenery that is on display in central London, I stumbled across the statue of King Richard I, aka Richard the Lionheart. I discovered that there is a rather interesting story behind his life and what happened after he was slain in battle:

Richard the Lionheart and the Magna Carta!

Richard the Lionheart was King of England over a 10 year reign. He was constantly campaigning and in battle in Israel during the holy wars. While he was away his brother sat in the throne and took over responsibilities of ruling England. During his reign he managed to lose most of the French territories that his father King Henry II managed to claim. Anyway in the end Richard was killed in battle and his brother, later known as King John took the throne. King John turned out to be an absolute shocker in power and he kept demanding higher taxes and he was pretty much hated by all. In the end the Barons of England got together and wrote the Magna Carta and forced King John to sign it. Turns out that the Magna Carta is a list of laws that kept King John under control. An interesting thing is that this document was the birth of Law as we know it today and all law that we use today is based from the Magna Carta. Sweet! Rules that applied then still apply today. If you want to see the Magna Carta it is kept in the London library which is beside King's Cross station.

History is cool!

Well I have to hand it to London for history. It's everywhere and believe it or not it's actually quite interesting when you are reading it off plaques instead of from textbooks. Definately worthwhile checking out for a bit longer.....

Changes and choices

Well after some serious research and figuring out what line I wanted to take on the trans siberian railway I found out some interesting facts that stopped me in my tracks, mind the pun. It turns out that in order to get a Russian visa you have to be in the country where you have been a resident for at least ninety days or where you are a citizen. So in saying this I have to be in New Zealand in order to get a visa through Russia, so there goes that plan.
If you are planning on doing the trans-siberian one day here is a really good website that gives you a great run down and background whether you are travelling from the UK across Russia or if you are starting in Beijing and heading across that way, check it out if you are interested http://www.seat61.com/Trans-Siberian.htm. Remember to get your visa whilst in NZ though...DOH!
Well after this disappointing news I decided to see how difficult it would be to go under Russia by land. It didn't seem to difficult and I could easily get entrance and visas for most countries but then I discovered a notice on the NZ consulate webpage warning travel of any westerners into certain areas of Pakistan which included, yeap you guessed it, the areas that I needed to get through, 'bummer' is what came to mind.
After serious consideration of how likely it would be that I would kidnapped and ransomed I am left with the realisation that the World is a well unstable place at the moment and that I had best change tactics as it seems unwise to put myself in pretty daft situations. Flying might be the best option at the moment.
Changes and choices.......the way of life for me at the moment, but indeed it is fun!

London Bridge/ Doubt over Africa!

Well it's now been a week to the day that I touched down back on UK soil, London to be exact. So far I have indulged in consuming lovely pints of gorgeously refreshing brew which tastes like heaven after spending a year drinking Korean beer. (Sorry Korea but you really have to sort your beer out!). I have done preceisely one thing since arriving and 'yes' that thing is 'being a lazy bastard'. I said it first so no one else can have the privelage of calling me lazy! I have sat around reading books and walking up to 'The Angel' to get groceries. Nothing really exciting is going on here although the other day a person was stabbed to death outside the supermarket that I go to...apparantly drug dealings gone sour. (Drugs are bad Mmmkay!) Apart from that though I have relished in the prospect that I have nothing to do and that I can leave on adventures when I feel like it, so right now I am just unwinding after a year of kids and reading books and going on solo missions up trees in the parks which admittedly is getting strange looks from the locals but as always "who cares"... the council and PC douchebags care I suppose! Anyway I have been looking into Africa a bit more closely and it seems that I can go there for a month and then have to go back to NZ so I have decided to head to Egypt and then work may way from there across and up to Russia to take the trans-siberian through to Beijing. From there if fundings permit I'll head downwards into Vietnam and Cambodia before heading home. That's the plan anyway...wish me luck and I'll keep you posted on this proposal!

Heading out from HK!!!

Well the couple of days that I had to enjoy Hong Kong are almost over. Although a tear is coming to eye in saying this I am definately stoked about jumping on the plane to London! Only a few hours to go and I'll be seeing my ma and pa again and with any luck having bangers and mash for dinner. Well the last couple of days have been rather a hectic blur with too much alcohol being consumed and too much intensive excitement! Hong Kong is definately a wicked place to visit and I recommend it to anyone who is thinking about heading here. On Sunday I met a lad named Jason in my hostel and we headed out to have some dinner. After having some Indonesian curry and talking about the differences and similarities about teaching in Korea compared to teaching in China we headed to the peninsula of Kowloon for a beer. He was tired so he went back to the hostel while I jumped on the metro and headed to Central to check out a place called Lan Kwai Fong which is home to a variety of bars. I met an Aussie and an Italian named Simon and Luigi respectively. Turned out that they were in Hong Kong attending an artificial intelligence seminar and that they had worked on developing Asumi the famous Japanese robot that can walk and run etc etc! Anyway that was well cool. After many beers later and hanging out with the band that was performing and talking Kiwi music with them I ended up in a club that had continous strobe light action.....I kid you not it was relentless strobe! Man did it give me a headache! Was a swell night! Well I'm going to grab some food and hit the streets for my last glimpse of HK before heading to the airport.

ENTER THE DRAGON!

Well, I wrapped up my year teaching in Korea yesterday and got on the plan to Hong Kong. I arrived at 1030pm and finally found my guitar before jumping on bus A21. I met a couple who were heading to Israel to see their son who was Jewish and studying his religion over there. It was interesting and they also had a map which saved my ass from walking the streets till the early morning searching for my guesthouse. I managed to check in and the manager gave me an upgraded room for being a 'nice guy'. Sweet! Got up this morning and donned my backpack and headed into the streets. I broke into a sweat instantly so downed some juice and headed for the TsimTshaTsui dock and boarded a ferry which took my lanky bones to Central HK! From there I stuck my Mp3 player on and cruised the streets. I ended up stumbling across a neat temple called Man Mo which was filled to the brink with incense....I can now see the finer qualities of being a Buddhist; you get stoned everytime you go to pray!
After bailing out of there and hitting the HK streets again I headed East and found myself in a very happening part of town, so after going home, eating dinner, having a shower and finding some clean clothes, I might head over to have a brewsky!

COME HERE BOY....mmmmm dog!

Recipe for dog.....

Step 1: Tie the dog up. Lull it into a false sense of security and then begin to kick. Kick the flanks, legs, head and ass of the dog. Why?, you may ask. Well this is done to get the adrenaline coarsing through the muscle tissue for it is believed that the meat of a dog with adrenaline in it is far tastier and far more "good for your health". I quoted this because it seems that everything you eat here is "good for your health".....eat that camel penis! why? it's good for your health! Mmmkay!

Step 2: Put the beaten, but still alive dog into a bag and tie it up to a tree. Next grab yourself a handy flame and set the bag on fire. Now the fireworks begin.

Step 3: Cut the dog up and begin to cook.

Now I know you may be appalled but this is actually not the way in which they kill dogs nowadays. This is how they used to do it.
"Times are changing eh? what happened to the good old days when you could beat dogs and set them on fire... I tell you I don't like the way things are going"

All in all dog is actually a really tasty treat, and I say treat as it is actually quite expensive. It is actually really good for you when you are sick too.
All I can say is " One hot dog and a scoop of chips please"

New Year, New Start!

Well I've been in South Korea now for eight months just minding my business, grinding through the hours of work and making the most of my time that I have here. For those who are thinking of teaching abroad I would have to recommend it, especially in Korea for you get free accommodation, sweet money and it is not too expensive. Well just to fill in the gaps........I arrived back in London from Beijing around Easter, broke, sweaty and with grippers that hadn't been washed in well over a week. After sorting out my dags, cleaning my socks and brushing the hair I jumped back on a plane back over to Asia to start a fresh year of teaching......and here I am with four months left. So far I've eaten dog, checked out traditional villages, run up and down burial mounds known as Tumulus, checked out Loveland in Jeju Island and had some wild adventures in Seoul the capital....don't ask. With just a little time left I thought I'd start up the writing again in order to capture some daily things that I have learnt to take for granted. School children ooohing and ahhhing as you walk by and old Korean men yelling on the subway telling you to shut up when infact you are not the one speaking, but cause your white you are to blame...priceless, these are a few things I want to print on paper so as not to forget.....that and all the great things that were once amazing but now seem ordinary.

End of an era!

I checked my account balances and experienced a slight dull ache in my stomach. Hmm somehow I had managed to spend a lot more than expected and I still had to get my Russian visa which started to seem like an impossible feat. Every consulate I went to treated me like a sweaty arsehole and so in turn I decided to give the big finger to Russia although I do regret not being able to catch up with my great friend in Khabarovsk. On seeing my balance, having troubles with my visa and seeing that it would cost more to travel by train I decided to cut my losses and head to london by plane to see my parents again before heading back to Korea for work and paying back the credit man.....I hate the credit man so much. So now I am in London, chilling in my parents sweet pad, listening to Jimarouqui and chowing down on english food. Mmmmmm how much have I missed mashed spud and bangers eh??? So alas an era of travelling has come to an end and Mother F*cking Russia will just have to wait for now. I have heard that getting the Russian visa in Korea is a lot easier and so I will be able to make it some other time. It has been an incredible, life changing, personality growing, perception intigrating experience that shall forever remain within me. I feel like a better person on the whole and a lot more understanding of people and their behaviour's in response to situations and things in general. I recommend to all my friends to at least think of travelling so that they may gain a greater perception of the World in which they live......it's a great time and you drink a truck load of piss....can't complain with that!

HOLY MOLY!

There is one word to describe the man made back fence known as the GREAT WALL OF CHINA! It was a quiet friday morning. I woke up feeling drunk to the slight knock on the door which was my wake up call. I looked at the watch and realised I'd only had three hours sleep and on pulling back the covers I realised I was somehow naked in my dorm room. After quickly feeling the ground for my grippers I proceeded to hide my "lads" and get a shirt on. I went down stairs, had a coffee and a bun and then was led onto a bus which had the destination GREAT WALL scribbled along the side of it....sweet is the only thought that came to mind. I found myself sitting next to a rather attractive english lassy and after saying "hello" I hung my head against the window and dozed into the unknown realms of my subconscience. On waking, due to the bus stopping for petrol, I had a long, long, long pee and bought a bottle of water for my mouth which felt like what I describe as the fur you sometimes find on fern trees. I got talking to the english lass who turned out to be only 19 years of age and on her second rampage around Asia. I remember saying "crykey" and I apologised swiftly and told her that my brain wasn't functioning properly. Still I was rather impressed by her boldness. We arrived at the gate, bought a ticket, met an Irish lad named Rory and we proceeded up a path that would lead us to the base of the great wall. We finally arrived, hoisted our arses up the side of the great wall and peered into the distance. I was absolutely astounded by the fact that as far as my eyes could see, the great wall stretched. An incredible feat, that's for sure. We got our wits together, closed our gaping mouths, stretched our calves and then began our 10 km strut along the great wall.....sweet. Mattie B did a huge strut for at least 10 meters in memory of the lads back home whilst my two companions looked on with expressions saying 'are all Kiwi's this bloody weird?' We walked, stumbled, climbed and said no to "beer, coke, water" from local people selling on the wall itself. The sun drifted through the sky and four hours later we arrived at the end of our journey for a spot of lunch before being herded back onto the bus. We got back to base camp at 8pm with great satisfaction and great memories of acting like plonkers on the great wall. We grabbed a 700ml Tsingtao for 50 cents NZ and proceeded to get amped before heading into town. That night we drank red bull and vodkas, tsingtao and a few shots. I was dancing heavily on the dance floor and as always making a complete ass of myself....loving life. That morning, hmmmm not quite morning, I woke up at 5pm and yelled out " HOLY MOLY!!!!!!!!"

Beijing bruise!

It was thursday and a fine day for going for a strut through the city in search of traditional life. I walked the high streets and proceeded into the low streets. I saw some dudes skating in a square outside a church and saw one dude grind the church stairs and so I proceeded to check out their skills. I sat down on the stairs and said "G'day" to the guy sitting close by. After talking to him I found out that he was from Germany and despite his Mother had become a professional skater and was travelling the world with his skills. I was a sceptic at first but then he busted out forwards flips, impossibles, double kickflips, insane stuff that i'm not sure of the name and just plain cool moves. I was stoked and he did an impossible off a set of stairs and landed it flawlessly. I asked if he was thirsty and we proceeded to the nearest bar to wet the whistle with a local TSINGTAO beer. We got a beer each and chatted away whilst watching some footy. He finished up, paid for his beer and went back to church to continue skating. I stayed to finish my beer which I was quietly enjoying and nursing. On leaving a couple of local girls came up and said " do you mind if we sit here?", I replied " not at all, go for gold". I talked to them for five minutes and then continued watching the footy. They ordered some drinks and chatted away in chinese whilst I saw a guy score a marvellous goal. I finished my beer, stood up and proceeded to pay for the one beer. I got the bill and almost dropped a log in my pants. Roughly speaking it came to 200 NZD. I said " there must be a mistake mate, I only had one beer". He proceeded to tell me that I had to pay for the girls company and for the girls drinks which turned out to be the most expensive champagne on the list. I said " what the f*ck" and said I wasn't paying for it. He said I had to and so I said that I had no money on me so I needed to go to the cash machine. He told me to leave my wallet there. I told him " No way mate" and then he said " okay, but one of the girls will escort you to the machine". " No problem" I said. I got to the machine, withdrew a small amount of cash gave it to her and said " that's all and your lucky i'm giving you that much!". She said " you have to pay the rest". I told her to " F off" and started a light jog away from her. She tried to follow but on seeing this I put my long blessed legs into overdrive and created a large distance between the two of us in a matter of seconds. Four blocks of stealthy skirting, pretending to shop whilst looking for followers and trusting no one, I found my hostel and proceeded inside to talk to a nice young swedish girl who was studying in a different part of China. She told me that I did the right thing and that I was extremely lucky because normally a couple of big hairy gorillas escort you to the money machine. That night she took me out to some nice bars and we had a great time drinking Tsingtao and playing the local drinking game. I learnt my lesson and look back now with a grin because for a short period in my life I felt like Tom Cruise in the next mission impossible......if only I had had a gun.

Five star hotel!

Onwards from Shanghai with the destination of Beijing in mind. I boarded the train which was hissing and shreaking like an african wild animal and I was absolutely blown away by the standards being offered. The hall way was carpeted and warmly illuminated with soft glowing lights every few meters along. After squeezing my pack along a few meters i found my room which already had three other people inside who were busy pushing and prodding their belongings into the cubby holes to create some space in the little room containing four beds, a table and a window. After settling down and having a look around I noticed a little control panel. Turns out you could adjust the air con, adjust the light settings, adjust the heater, see when the toilets were occupied and use a bell to call an attendant. This was five star hotel stuff not to mention there were TWO PILLOWS to rest my fat head on.....sweet! I got talking to the other people in the room and we proceeded into the night playing cards. They were a great laugh and after eating my delivered free meal i decided to catch some sleep. I woke up with ten minutes before arriving in Beijing. I pulled my smelly jeans over my smelly grippers and pulled a shirt on although the young lady in the room "jokingly" told me to leave it off.......I told her anytime, anywhere gigidy gigidy and then proceeded into destiny! I jumped off the train fully loaded with my pack and strutted smoothly beside the hurrying croud in the direction of the exit. Found my way into the fresh outside smog and jumped on the metro. I got off the metro climbed some stairs and found myself in a little square surrounded by sky scrapers. I felt a sweet sensation of partying crawl up my spine and sped my long lanky legs up to find the cheapest hostel in town. I found it after some difficulty and after talking to a man who told me where to go, along with trying to sell me great wall trips, forbidden city tours and general city tours.....cheers mate! I checked in, dropped my bags and headed out into the streets of the capital.

Upwards and onwards! Did I mention opium???

Yesterday I went in search of my Russian visa by visiting several travel agencies and the Russian consulate. All the travel agencies told me that they only do visas for chinese folk (racists) and the Russian consulate told me to come back tomorrow which I did to find it closed......I think they see the hair and automatically respond with a "NO" to any query...am I really that ugly sheesh! So I have decided to boot it to Beijing where it is cheaper to sleep and there are more sights to see such as the GREAT WALL and the LOST CITY which can't be too lost because a lot of people seem to find it easily enough. Also after talking to an English chap who likes his footy and bashing cars when his footy team loses told me that he got his visas in Beijing with no troubles. It will be a 12 hour train ride which leaves Shanghai at 7pm and arrives in the morning. It should be a good fast trip if I don't get a seat next to a fat guy who likes to snore. Shanghai has been a great experience if only for a short amount of time. The people here have been really friendly and as always very fascinated with a real live wooki walking down the street. There have been some downers though including an old lady who followed me for 2 blocks begging me for money and grabbing me. I eventually gave her 5 RMB (1 NZD) just to get her to piss off and leave me alone. I do hand it to her for persistance though. Another old lady managed to smear grease and try to shine my shoes as I walked. She eventually gave up after I quickened my pace and showed no signs of stopping. Last night I got on the polite piss with the Korean lad and lassies and had a great time drinking Tsingtao beer and smoking....sorry Mum but they were literally forcing them between my lips! Oh yeah and while we are on the case of being a bad boy, I found out last night that I accidentally tried opium without even knowing it. It all began in Hanoi whilst walking the back streets. I saw some dudes shooting billiards so I decided to join in. They offered me a cup of tea which I politely accepted and drank. I then got a few beers and was surprised with how quickly I was getting drunk. I blamed the reason on not eating lunch. Well after talking to the Korean lad yesterday and after the description of the tea I gave to him, he said that I'd just participated in an Opium dwelling. Hmmmmmm well that was a shock...ah well I'm still alive and awake so no biggy but it's definately a wake up call. It seems that whilst travelling I am getting a lot of wake up calls, I wonder when I'll actually pay attention and be able to turn off the alarm and get outta bed. Probably never because as they say "you keep learning until the day you die". It was a great night though and Shanghai has provided some spectacular views and stunning fashion. It makes me want to sharpen up and stop looking like a piece of toilet wall scum....oh yeah you need copious amounts of money for that to happen...ah well stubbies, jandals, a wife beater, and L&P will just have to do for now. Bring on BEIJING BABY!!! Oh yeah did I mention that the metro here costs 50 NZ cents to go anywhere....London you can kiss my ass with your 4-5 pound metro!

Super, sexy, swarvy, swinging, sultry, saxophone, SHANGHAI!!!!!

My first train ride in Asia and boy, what a dozee! I spent 36 hours cramped in a little sleeper trying to teach english and learn as much mandarin as possible with the lady sitting opposite me. It was good times and at one stage I was the star of the carriage with a whole huddle of chinese people around me glancing at my pictures of teaching in Korea and then patting my head saying how tall I was. It was all fun and games until an old man started saying something in mandarin that got the crowd amped...he probably thought I was American. I quietly returned to my sleeper and pretended to sleep. The man below me had an abnormal snore which kept the cabin awake till the early hours and it didn't help that he enjoyed sleep talking as well.....at one point I swear I heard him speak english! A couple beside me got told off for gambling against each other and a dude down the end of the carriage had a good ol fashioned hurl over the floor....nice one ya douche, next time get to the toilet in time. I woke up on my first night on the train and scurried to the toilet as fast as I could and almost didn't make it! It's been a week of pooing water....badabababa I loving it! Thank the heavens that toilet paper is cheap here! In total I spent two nights on the train and had a good look at the countryside....all I can say is RICE!!!! Heres a small clip you should check out to understand the finer details of Asian culture.....http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/asianpride.htm. Well I arrived in Shanghai, said goodbye to all my fans and gave them all a big toothy grin before jumping on the metro. I got of at where I thought was a guesthouse and proceeded to find it. I looked high and low for it and it started to rain.....arse! I finally found it and all that was left was an empty lot with a few bulldozers rumaging around in side........spanked arse! I jumped back on the metro and finally found a place called, wait for it.....CAPTAIN HOSTELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! I checked in for 70 RMB which is around 12 NZD and met a as always friendly group of Koreans who took me for breakfast. I think the plan for the rest of the day is to hunt down soju, this was discussed during breaky.....wish me luck! Oh yeah theres a bar here called KIWI BAR!!! I know where I'll be tonight for at least a few!

Going Han Solo!

This morning I got in contact with my friend Chris who I was initially travelling with. The plan was to meet back up in China, most likely Nanning and share adventures and continue travelling together upwards through China. After a brief discussion I learnt that he has become stuck in Vietnam and can't leave for 2 to possibly 10 weeks while he is issued a new passport. Unfortuanately on entering vietnam, the two entry stamps took up the last two pages of his passport and so there was no where for his Vietnam departure stamps or his Chinese entry stamps. I cannot afford to hang around that long in limbo waiting for him so I have taken it upon myself to keep trucking along Han SOLO stylez. I booked a train ticket to Shanghai for this evening. It takes 31 hours to get there and I apparantly have a cosy little bed to squish into. Purchasing this little slip of paper was almost as hard and frustrating as trying to lift a truck! First off I waited in line for half an hour in 30 degree heat to get to the ticket window. Sweaty and impatient I proceeded to communicate as best as I could that I wanted to go to either Changsha or Shanghai. The response I got went like this: "No..........no...........no...........no..........no" and nothing else. This totally pissed me off! I said "thankyou" in a rough tone and she replied "No". If there wasn't glass between us it would have been all on. I under my breath said "f*ck this sh*t" and walked out of the train station and trudged with my backpack back to the hotel to see if they could help me out. Whilst badly communicating and having a good laugh with the receptionist a friendly chap came up to me and said "can I help?" I replied "for sure". He then told me that his Mum was going on a train to Shanghai this evening at 19:45 from the train station. He hooked me up with the details in both English and Chinese and sent me on my way once again smiling! Back to the ticket window I slammed the piece of paper up against the window and after many "No, no , no's" I finally got the ticket. All I can say is that there are complete dickheads everywhere that always let down the rest. I hope I'm not a NZ dickhead......maybe I just look like one!

Cut-throat shave!!!!

Well in Hanoi I was walking around and I saw a vietnamese chap shaving chops and heads alike. I thought "why not?" and sat down in the chair all prepared to get shaven. He pulled out a cut-throat razor and a flicker of fear ran down my spine. He began lathering me up and I relaxed a little. Sching sching went the blade and I'll tell you something!!!! It is not a painless experience, it hurt a lot. He finished up and I looked in the mirror. I had shaven chops and mo, but on my neck little red speckles of blood started to appear. Five minutes later and after pressing my neck with toilet paper I walked away with a sore throat.......I guess that's why they call it the cut- throat razor of impending DOOM!!!!! A valuable experience and one that I have learnt from. LESSON: Shave your own face.....you know the way your grain runs and no one else does. Sweet!

GOOD NIGHT VIETNAM!

Well yesterday (27th March) I headed from Hanoi in search of Nanning China. I amped myself up for a rustic crappy bus and was overwhelmed when I boarded a cruiser bus which had soft seats, air con , leg room and good tunes cranking all the way. A 10 hour bus ride felt like 10 minutes. I soaked in the countryside and enjoyed the views until I came to the border. I checked through the border where the passpot control officer gave me suspicious grief for no reason before finally saying "okay" and nothing else.....twat! (He's just jealous because he can't have long hair whilst in the military.....sucker....no ladies for you!). Back on the bus and 5 hours later I arrived in the so-far, so-good city of Nanning. I checked into a hotel opposite the train station which has been recommended by the lonely planet. It is the cheapest place in town. For 6 NZ dollars you get a double bed, TV, a fan, clean sheets, clean pillow, tea and coffee, and lights......SWEET! Last night I as always went for a wander around the streets. I came across people singing Karaoke in the park and people practicing their ballroom dancing moves beside them. Onwards I bought a piece of sugarcane and chewed away happily whilst I strutted with my chest out and zipper down.....DOH!!! After zipping back up and a few hundred metres down the main drag I saw a bar and like a fly headed towards the bright light. It turned out to be a guitar bar. I sat down and started a beer but before I finished the bar manager sat down with me and started playing yahtzee with me. It is a great drinking game I discovered and she was really good at it. We got talking about things and then the night faded into the morning and it was time to call it quits. I wandered outside and quickly realized I was lost.....damn. I took a slash on a power pole down an alley and then proceeded in the "right direction". After a while I knew it was hopeless so I asked a friendly chinese chap using sign language and "CHOO CHOO" noises where the train station was. He then told his girlfriend to get off the back of his scooter and wait. He gestured for me to get on the back and I pointed to his girlfriend with a questioning look that I hope sent the message "what about her?". He said something in mandarin and pulled me on the back........get in that kitchen and cook me some eggs flashed through my mind.We drifted into the night and eventually pulled up beside my hotel. "Shee shee" I said, and he said "no problem". I hope his girlfriend was okay!! What a great fellow though! These people just keep getting better and better!

Hanoi Hooray!!!!

After my gruelling bus ride I signed up at the little hanoi hotel which cost 3 USD a night. I got myself showered and found the time to be 8pm. I thought to myself "mmmkay buddy let's do it". I grabbed my wallet and passport and headed out the door. Into the street I walked where I was greeted with the sound of a thousand scooter engines gunning it and a thousand scooter horns beeping as if having conversations with each other. Crossing the street was an adventure in itself where you have to slowly but surely push your way though the carnage whilst hoping you don't get smoked! I grabbed a sandy and headed for a green light in the distance which slowly became more defined and took shape as a JAZZ CLUB! I sat down at the bar, ordered a local beer and started up a conversation with a Dutch lad who sat down next to me. He'd been in Hanoi for around three months and knew his way around. I managed to persuade him that sunday didn't matter and that life is meant to be lived in the present and so we headed off on a pub crawl into the early morning. We ended up in a "NIGHTCLUB" which played super sweet dance music. Drawback: I was overwhelmed by all the hot ladies in the club and all the ugly guys that were doing so well with them.......hmmmm. Suddenly a girl came up to me, said nothing and sat in my crotch. "Do you wanna 'f*** me in my hotel" she said. "Only 50 USD". Well I imagine the look on my face was priceless. I politely said no thanks and proceeded to the nearest exit. I jumped on the back of a motorbike known as a motorbike taxi and went back to my hotel. It was a great night but sullied by the last event. One drawback in SE Asia is that prostitution is in such high demand from ugly, fat, balding, old white trash that it is a huge industry and so you can find yourself being constantly harrassed for a "good time" whilst out on the town. Apart from this though SE Asia is an amazing place.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laos summary
Well I headed from Laos to Hanoi Vietnam by bus on March the 23rd! Heres a quick summary of my stay in Laos: I saw a dude get thrown out of the back of a pickup as it went round the corner too sharply because the driver was pissed (he was certainly dazed and confused after that), i've seen a family cooking their dinner on an open fire next to petrol tankers (smart lads), i've seen kids with the biggest teethy grins imaginable, BEER LAO, family life, teen life, life being totally smashed with the locals, buddha, temples and more temples, beautiful landscape, beautiful people and i've seen a glimpse into what life is truly all about. All in all Laos was an unbelieve experience that shalln't be forgotten easily.
Bussing it to Hanoi
All excited and ready for a 10 hour bus trip I boarded the little rascal of a tin can called a bus. Let me describe this bus to you in detail. For starters this particular bus ride is recommended against by the lonely planet but it was the only way. The bus: Take a kiwi school bus, put boxes with rice, meat, veges and stuff to seat height down the aisles. Take as many people as possible and squeeze em all in there. Windows that don't quite open properly and no air con and 28 degrees outside. Take the back seat which has the engine underneath and sit Mattie B there. Okay now you have a glimpse into the horror. Once the engine got cranking the radiator heat was directed towards my buttocks! I have never sweat so much in my life. I said to the polite canadian girls beside me "I can handle this for 10 hours" and then they politely replied "you mean 24 hours right?". WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Yeap that's right, 24 hours of sweating my ringpiece out. Well we turned up at the border at 3 in the morning and had to wait until 7 until it opened. I got my visa checked and then it was back on the bus. WELCOME TO VIETNAM! Another 12 hours later I arrived in Hanoi with sticky butt checks, ultra yellow dehydrated urine, and eyes so dry it hurt to blink......I totally recommend it for the adventure........only the tough survive!!!!

The truth is out there.

Last night during the ten hour bus ride back to Vientiane from Laungprabang I met a really cool French dude called Mehdi. We got to talking about politics, religion and the future for mankind......yeap it was well overdue for one of those discussions. Whilst discussing religion we came to this conclusion:
Religion is the "truth", whereas science is discovering the "truth".
This is why some religious people cannot admit that there are mistakes and contradictions in their religion because how can their religion which is the "truth" have errors in it.
Science on the otherhand doesn't know the "truth" so it is continually evolving to accept knew theories in order to expand and explain the forever changing world and it's beginnings.
This is why I personally enjoy science as opposed to religion.
Whilst on the subject I also came to the conclusion that maybe "GOD" is not a superior figure or force but instead the simplest thing in the universe. If you take the theory of evolution, life progressively gets simpler as we proceed back to the beginning......would this rule not also apply to the beginning of the universe? So indeed we have been searching for something "bigger and more powerful" than us but really maybe the answer is much more simpler than expected.
Think about this and I'd love to hear your comments, afterall you learn by communicating with one another! Philospher Mattie B signing out.

Buddha and his mighty temples.

Today I went for a true look around as I will head off tomorrow in search of Vietnam. I was utterly awe struck by the beautiful temples and shrines. The detail of the temples is mind blowing and you do get a pure feeling of being rather insignificant when in their presence. I stumbled from road to road and from temple to temple, smiling and "sabadee"ing as I went. I was pulled in off the street to taste some cooked coconut jelly from a coconut leaf and reeled in to play a game of "arsehole" (a card game) with some young lads who had just finished school.......I whooped their asses (not literally).......whose the man!!! I'm the man!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!! I sat down and chatted to some monks who were very pleasent and friendly. I somehow got talking to them about how hot lao girls are.....good one Matt ya sack! They started it though and who can blame them.....they are hot! Up and on my way I cruised up some stairs which led to another temple and a cave. I spotted lizards everywhere and paid my respects to Buddha for putting them there. I then had a mosy at buddha's footprints that were fossilised in a piece of rock and then proceeded to grab a coke. It's only a few hours till dinner time with my family away from home so I best go shower and pretty myself up. Stay tuned till next time for the next episode of MATT"S A SPOON!

Laungprabang......what a beautiful place!

Two days ago I arrived in Laungprabang at 11 o'clock at night. I jumped on the back of a little motorbike and I was driven to a hostel by a Lao dude who thought it was fun to go super fast down the main drag, in and out of traffic, through red lights and redline the engine. All this with my super big backpack on my back. It was great fun but I couldn't sleep for an hour due to the copious amounts of adrenaline pumping through my system. Yesterday I went for a bit of a nosey around the joint. I didn't get too far though as I spotted some dudes playing petanque and drinking beer lao. I was pulled into the group which turned out to be a family slacking off work because the boss was away..........sweet! Four hours later I was sent on my way with a beer lao in my hand and an invitation for dinner tonight. I decided to stumble back home but I didn't get too far. I spotted a dude playing guitar and so I joined the lao lads and sung heartily for a couple of hours.........they only knew Robbie Williams and Ronin Keating!!!! It was a good laugh trying to hit the high notes. After saying goodbye and stumbling out of the shack, I hit the road home. I didn't get to far though because I spotted some more lao lads playing on a guitar and a lao chick making cakes.....sweet! Our voices swam on the morning air as the sun came ever closer to rising. I left when I knew I couldn't sing true anymore due to too much slurring. On leaving I recieved an invitation for the lao girls birthday party tonight. These people are awesome. If I can become half as accomodating and welcoming as these beautiful people I think I will be a respectible man. We'll see how I get on juggling these invites.

Dreadlock escape!

Reasons why I couldn't handle the dreadlocks:

1) The dreadlocks seemed to create a very thick barrier that not only kept in the heat but also attracted heat. This is not ideal in this sort of weather and I started to get frustrated with my hot head.

2) I don't know how to look after dreadlocks so they started to unravel and look rather awful after only one week of having them.

3) I heard somewhere along the way that you aren't supposed to wash them. I started to smell and no girls wanted to talk to me, actually that happens all the time...sigh.

4) I kept having to apologise to vegetarians and rastas that seemed to think I was one of them all the time.

5) I was continously harrassed by the locals to purchase some of their ganja.

6) It seemed that whenever I sat down in a local bar they put on Bob Marley.

7) and last but not least.....I looked like a spoon.

All in all though, having dreadlocks was a great experience if only for a short period of time. It was fun but at times painful when having them done and it was fun but at times painful having them undone. I managed to pick them out with a tooth pick over a period of 4 hours. Good times.

Conquering routes!

Rock climbing.....a mixture of pain, adrenaline, skinned knuckles, cramping muscles, groaning, determination, wetting ones self, performing "THE ELVIS", hoots, and pride after conquering a slab of rock. All in all it's quite similar to making love in a way....minus the wetting ones self.....unless your into that kind of thing! Today Gabrielle and myself managed to surface at 9:00 in the morning and proceed into town to hire some rock climbing equipment. Chris and Tim were mangled and refused to answer their doors. So the deadly duo set off and hired some gear. Gabrielle's "lady friend" named Tik (a very sweet girl), drove us down to the river. I crossed paths with a snake as we walked towards the beach. That surely got the adrenaline surge cranking, an ideal state for rock climbing. We crossed the river on a tiny, shady piece of wood that was somehow said to be a boat. Up some bamboo stairs and into the jungle we stalked in search of our prey. There it stood, a great slab of limestone with grades of all sorts waiting to be "CONQUERED" by Mattie B. The day was spent ascending some easy grades to start with and was wrapped up by ascending some gruelling overhangs. I managed to get my bony butt up an overhang which turned out to be a grade 24/25. I was super stoked. Gabrielle ascended a mad overhang with pure determination and brutal power! The grade was 7a which I hear is pretty fantastic. I knew I couldn't compete so I called it quits and got my lips around a beer lao to finish the day on. During climbing I found a snake that was black with yellow stripings. It didn't move and so thinking it was dead, i picked it up and stroked it. You guessed it, the little fella started moving in my hands. I quickly and gently (yeah right) put it on the ground and with grace departed from the area. A beer and many hours sleep is on the cards for the remainder of the night. Peace.

TUBETASTIC BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a fine thursday morning. A trio consisting of Mattie B, Chris the penis and Gabrielle the doctor strutted down the street towards the adventure guide store. "Three tubes baby" I said. A few minutes later we were piled in a tuk tuk and were cruising down the main drag....... if you can call it that, more like a bit of road in between holes. Into the river with shouts and hoots the tubes were hurled and accordingly our bodies took to the warm tropical water. Well two minutes later and around one hundred metres of floating we were pulled onto a stage made of bamboo and got handed a beer lao and a cup of nasty local whisky called "LAO LAO". This whisky tastes like arse mixed with sweaty butt cheeks! Anyway after downing the lot I managed to grab some courage from somewhere (probably the Lao Lao) and proceeded up the bamboo ramp towards the jumping platform. "Backwards flip fellas" I said. A few seconds later i landed in the river full speed but to my surprise I had made it. Not bad for a six metre drop. I then got super cocky.....damn that lao lao, and i climbed back up the ramp."Backwards aerial fellas" I said. BOOOOOOOYAAAAAA!!!! I landed on my side and felt a surge of pain hit my senses! I surfaced with a sore face, sore testicles and a sore ear which hasn't come right yet. Well that was enough of that and so we proceeded on down the river. Yeap, you guessed it. A hundred metres down the river we somehow were on another platform with Lao Lao in our hands......hmmmmm, damn these Laoisians and there passion for nasty whisky! A few hours and many intense conversations about microbiology with my good mate Gabrielle, the trio set forth onto the mild waters once again. The sun rapidly dissolved into the range of cliffs behind us and we found ourselves floating on a river, in a tube, in blackness....no need for panic boys!!!! We quickly paddled to the side and caught a tuk tuk back into town. For a whole days worth of floating we managed to make it about 500 metres down the river, good effort boys........twats! Was a memorable day and a great blast!

Motorbike adventures!

Two wheels, one engine, one seat, four gears, an accelerator, a brake and of course a horn. This is what the motorbike/scooters are composed of in this beautiful country. Yes you know it I'm still in the chill capital of the world; Laos! It is now friday and it has been a while since my last entry! Two days ago it was the big wednesday. After waking up and getting some chow I hired a motorbike and took to the streets. At first I had trouble driving on the other side of the road and I definately almost bailed numerous times due to there being no centre line on the roads. Cars come full noise straight towards you and because they are bigger, they just beep there horns and force you to rapidly bail to the side or end up as squished smelly road kill...hmmmm so now I know what it's like to be a hedgehog! Well I proceeded into the horizon and took a dirt/stone road towards the cliffs that loomed threatingly overhead. After a few minutes I was pulled up next to a mighty river where cliffs lingered. A quick dip later it was back on the road where I finally arrived at a look out spot on the river. There I met a great French girl who was fascinating to talk to. We all had a beer lao of course and proceeded to cross a bridge constructed from bamboo into the jungle. I thought to myself "it's time to test these little bad boy scooters" and so I proceeded off road and took full flight off jumps (small hills) and bottomed out upon landing again. Was great to see some mud all up the side of these untested scooters. Well after exploring the many trekking paths in the jungle and running over the locals I gave back my scooter and proceeded to melt into the distance as they examined it. They still have my drivers license......bugger! All in all what a fab day!