End of an era!

I checked my account balances and experienced a slight dull ache in my stomach. Hmm somehow I had managed to spend a lot more than expected and I still had to get my Russian visa which started to seem like an impossible feat. Every consulate I went to treated me like a sweaty arsehole and so in turn I decided to give the big finger to Russia although I do regret not being able to catch up with my great friend in Khabarovsk. On seeing my balance, having troubles with my visa and seeing that it would cost more to travel by train I decided to cut my losses and head to london by plane to see my parents again before heading back to Korea for work and paying back the credit man.....I hate the credit man so much. So now I am in London, chilling in my parents sweet pad, listening to Jimarouqui and chowing down on english food. Mmmmmm how much have I missed mashed spud and bangers eh??? So alas an era of travelling has come to an end and Mother F*cking Russia will just have to wait for now. I have heard that getting the Russian visa in Korea is a lot easier and so I will be able to make it some other time. It has been an incredible, life changing, personality growing, perception intigrating experience that shall forever remain within me. I feel like a better person on the whole and a lot more understanding of people and their behaviour's in response to situations and things in general. I recommend to all my friends to at least think of travelling so that they may gain a greater perception of the World in which they live......it's a great time and you drink a truck load of piss....can't complain with that!

HOLY MOLY!

There is one word to describe the man made back fence known as the GREAT WALL OF CHINA! It was a quiet friday morning. I woke up feeling drunk to the slight knock on the door which was my wake up call. I looked at the watch and realised I'd only had three hours sleep and on pulling back the covers I realised I was somehow naked in my dorm room. After quickly feeling the ground for my grippers I proceeded to hide my "lads" and get a shirt on. I went down stairs, had a coffee and a bun and then was led onto a bus which had the destination GREAT WALL scribbled along the side of it....sweet is the only thought that came to mind. I found myself sitting next to a rather attractive english lassy and after saying "hello" I hung my head against the window and dozed into the unknown realms of my subconscience. On waking, due to the bus stopping for petrol, I had a long, long, long pee and bought a bottle of water for my mouth which felt like what I describe as the fur you sometimes find on fern trees. I got talking to the english lass who turned out to be only 19 years of age and on her second rampage around Asia. I remember saying "crykey" and I apologised swiftly and told her that my brain wasn't functioning properly. Still I was rather impressed by her boldness. We arrived at the gate, bought a ticket, met an Irish lad named Rory and we proceeded up a path that would lead us to the base of the great wall. We finally arrived, hoisted our arses up the side of the great wall and peered into the distance. I was absolutely astounded by the fact that as far as my eyes could see, the great wall stretched. An incredible feat, that's for sure. We got our wits together, closed our gaping mouths, stretched our calves and then began our 10 km strut along the great wall.....sweet. Mattie B did a huge strut for at least 10 meters in memory of the lads back home whilst my two companions looked on with expressions saying 'are all Kiwi's this bloody weird?' We walked, stumbled, climbed and said no to "beer, coke, water" from local people selling on the wall itself. The sun drifted through the sky and four hours later we arrived at the end of our journey for a spot of lunch before being herded back onto the bus. We got back to base camp at 8pm with great satisfaction and great memories of acting like plonkers on the great wall. We grabbed a 700ml Tsingtao for 50 cents NZ and proceeded to get amped before heading into town. That night we drank red bull and vodkas, tsingtao and a few shots. I was dancing heavily on the dance floor and as always making a complete ass of myself....loving life. That morning, hmmmm not quite morning, I woke up at 5pm and yelled out " HOLY MOLY!!!!!!!!"

Beijing bruise!

It was thursday and a fine day for going for a strut through the city in search of traditional life. I walked the high streets and proceeded into the low streets. I saw some dudes skating in a square outside a church and saw one dude grind the church stairs and so I proceeded to check out their skills. I sat down on the stairs and said "G'day" to the guy sitting close by. After talking to him I found out that he was from Germany and despite his Mother had become a professional skater and was travelling the world with his skills. I was a sceptic at first but then he busted out forwards flips, impossibles, double kickflips, insane stuff that i'm not sure of the name and just plain cool moves. I was stoked and he did an impossible off a set of stairs and landed it flawlessly. I asked if he was thirsty and we proceeded to the nearest bar to wet the whistle with a local TSINGTAO beer. We got a beer each and chatted away whilst watching some footy. He finished up, paid for his beer and went back to church to continue skating. I stayed to finish my beer which I was quietly enjoying and nursing. On leaving a couple of local girls came up and said " do you mind if we sit here?", I replied " not at all, go for gold". I talked to them for five minutes and then continued watching the footy. They ordered some drinks and chatted away in chinese whilst I saw a guy score a marvellous goal. I finished my beer, stood up and proceeded to pay for the one beer. I got the bill and almost dropped a log in my pants. Roughly speaking it came to 200 NZD. I said " there must be a mistake mate, I only had one beer". He proceeded to tell me that I had to pay for the girls company and for the girls drinks which turned out to be the most expensive champagne on the list. I said " what the f*ck" and said I wasn't paying for it. He said I had to and so I said that I had no money on me so I needed to go to the cash machine. He told me to leave my wallet there. I told him " No way mate" and then he said " okay, but one of the girls will escort you to the machine". " No problem" I said. I got to the machine, withdrew a small amount of cash gave it to her and said " that's all and your lucky i'm giving you that much!". She said " you have to pay the rest". I told her to " F off" and started a light jog away from her. She tried to follow but on seeing this I put my long blessed legs into overdrive and created a large distance between the two of us in a matter of seconds. Four blocks of stealthy skirting, pretending to shop whilst looking for followers and trusting no one, I found my hostel and proceeded inside to talk to a nice young swedish girl who was studying in a different part of China. She told me that I did the right thing and that I was extremely lucky because normally a couple of big hairy gorillas escort you to the money machine. That night she took me out to some nice bars and we had a great time drinking Tsingtao and playing the local drinking game. I learnt my lesson and look back now with a grin because for a short period in my life I felt like Tom Cruise in the next mission impossible......if only I had had a gun.

Five star hotel!

Onwards from Shanghai with the destination of Beijing in mind. I boarded the train which was hissing and shreaking like an african wild animal and I was absolutely blown away by the standards being offered. The hall way was carpeted and warmly illuminated with soft glowing lights every few meters along. After squeezing my pack along a few meters i found my room which already had three other people inside who were busy pushing and prodding their belongings into the cubby holes to create some space in the little room containing four beds, a table and a window. After settling down and having a look around I noticed a little control panel. Turns out you could adjust the air con, adjust the light settings, adjust the heater, see when the toilets were occupied and use a bell to call an attendant. This was five star hotel stuff not to mention there were TWO PILLOWS to rest my fat head on.....sweet! I got talking to the other people in the room and we proceeded into the night playing cards. They were a great laugh and after eating my delivered free meal i decided to catch some sleep. I woke up with ten minutes before arriving in Beijing. I pulled my smelly jeans over my smelly grippers and pulled a shirt on although the young lady in the room "jokingly" told me to leave it off.......I told her anytime, anywhere gigidy gigidy and then proceeded into destiny! I jumped off the train fully loaded with my pack and strutted smoothly beside the hurrying croud in the direction of the exit. Found my way into the fresh outside smog and jumped on the metro. I got off the metro climbed some stairs and found myself in a little square surrounded by sky scrapers. I felt a sweet sensation of partying crawl up my spine and sped my long lanky legs up to find the cheapest hostel in town. I found it after some difficulty and after talking to a man who told me where to go, along with trying to sell me great wall trips, forbidden city tours and general city tours.....cheers mate! I checked in, dropped my bags and headed out into the streets of the capital.

Upwards and onwards! Did I mention opium???

Yesterday I went in search of my Russian visa by visiting several travel agencies and the Russian consulate. All the travel agencies told me that they only do visas for chinese folk (racists) and the Russian consulate told me to come back tomorrow which I did to find it closed......I think they see the hair and automatically respond with a "NO" to any query...am I really that ugly sheesh! So I have decided to boot it to Beijing where it is cheaper to sleep and there are more sights to see such as the GREAT WALL and the LOST CITY which can't be too lost because a lot of people seem to find it easily enough. Also after talking to an English chap who likes his footy and bashing cars when his footy team loses told me that he got his visas in Beijing with no troubles. It will be a 12 hour train ride which leaves Shanghai at 7pm and arrives in the morning. It should be a good fast trip if I don't get a seat next to a fat guy who likes to snore. Shanghai has been a great experience if only for a short amount of time. The people here have been really friendly and as always very fascinated with a real live wooki walking down the street. There have been some downers though including an old lady who followed me for 2 blocks begging me for money and grabbing me. I eventually gave her 5 RMB (1 NZD) just to get her to piss off and leave me alone. I do hand it to her for persistance though. Another old lady managed to smear grease and try to shine my shoes as I walked. She eventually gave up after I quickened my pace and showed no signs of stopping. Last night I got on the polite piss with the Korean lad and lassies and had a great time drinking Tsingtao beer and smoking....sorry Mum but they were literally forcing them between my lips! Oh yeah and while we are on the case of being a bad boy, I found out last night that I accidentally tried opium without even knowing it. It all began in Hanoi whilst walking the back streets. I saw some dudes shooting billiards so I decided to join in. They offered me a cup of tea which I politely accepted and drank. I then got a few beers and was surprised with how quickly I was getting drunk. I blamed the reason on not eating lunch. Well after talking to the Korean lad yesterday and after the description of the tea I gave to him, he said that I'd just participated in an Opium dwelling. Hmmmmmm well that was a shock...ah well I'm still alive and awake so no biggy but it's definately a wake up call. It seems that whilst travelling I am getting a lot of wake up calls, I wonder when I'll actually pay attention and be able to turn off the alarm and get outta bed. Probably never because as they say "you keep learning until the day you die". It was a great night though and Shanghai has provided some spectacular views and stunning fashion. It makes me want to sharpen up and stop looking like a piece of toilet wall scum....oh yeah you need copious amounts of money for that to happen...ah well stubbies, jandals, a wife beater, and L&P will just have to do for now. Bring on BEIJING BABY!!! Oh yeah did I mention that the metro here costs 50 NZ cents to go anywhere....London you can kiss my ass with your 4-5 pound metro!